Define Normal

The other day someone was telling me story about an autistic person they knew that grew up to be "Pretty normal" 
They spoke of the fact that he was able to actually hold a job and function in society.

Mabye it's denial, mabye it's determination;but it doesn't even occur to me to think that Caitlyn might not be able "function" in "normal" society. What is normal anyway?

Will she have difficulties? Of course. Will she be different? I'm sure. But I refuse to even let my mind go to a place that thinks that she won't learn to talk,that she won't learn to relate to her peers on some level,that she won't understand the world around her. I refuse.

To me,just being told "Your child has autism." has a dead end associated with it. It's just this label you have to live with. They don't tell you what to do,there's no cure,there's not a prescription they give you. They just suggest therapy and leave you to struggle through HOW to live with it. But I don't want to just live with it. I want her to rise above it.

I've been reading everything I can get my hands on,researching all traditional and non-traditional methods. I decided a while back to stop vaccinating, I'm tweaking her diet and ordering a bunch of supplements. We're working on speech and behavior and sign language every day. I'll never give up on her being able to talk and function "normally" 

I read a simple quote that was so profound to me -  It is better to light a candle than to curse the darkness.

 What good will it do me to wallow in self pity or feeling sorry for Caitlyn and the life she might have? I should just work to change it. Sure,if you read a few blogs back,I have sad days and hard days and days when it seems like nothing is getting through to her, but then I have days like today,where she shows enormous break throughs by saying a word or doing a sign,that I've been trying to teach her for a year and I feel like it's all worth it and it reminds me to not ever give up. 

I have had to remind myself the last several weeks to not let my mind go to her future and all the worries that lie there,waiting for us. Today has enough worry of it's own and I just need to be grateful for any progress I can make with her day by day.

I know it's a trait in the women in my family,to be tough as nails and Caitlyn sure as God exists,possesses that trait in spades. But right now,she's in a little bit of a different world and I need to be the one who brings her back into my world and I need the strength of a million chariots to do it. I am thankful I serve a God who is strong,when I am weak and who can lift me up and will see me and my baby through this.

I pray that if you detect even the slightest bit of determination in my writing, that you would wish that same will power onto my daughter.
One day,she's going to tell me she loves me,I know she will and that will make every single step in this journey beyond worth it.